Dan Harmon Poops: HEY, DID I MISS ANYTHING? -
Kids:
A few hours ago, I landed in Los Angeles, turned on my phone, and confirmed what you already know. Sony Pictures Television is replacing me as showrunner on Community, with two seasoned fellows that I’m sure are quite nice - actually, I have it on good authority they’re quite nice, because…
and then this happened… #firstsolochange #utah #instagram (Taken with instagram)
I would argue my morning drive is better than yours #utah #instagram (Taken with instagram)
I don’t think Colorado realizes its May! #instagram (Taken with instagram)
my backdrop at the living room concert/surprise 18th bday party last night (Taken with instagram)
On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S. man, and posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors…..They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ’degrees’ of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia
P.S. It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian.
say what you will! (about me) (Taken with instagram)
yeah that sounds good (Taken with instagram)
back in studio hitting the harmonies #itsallhappening (Taken with instagram)
harmonies (Taken with instagram)
driving through Iowa on route to MN (Taken with instagram)
listening to the first ‘bounces’ of the new album
what we get every morning before studio
whew.. just reread the last post and i feel like a different person wrote it. it’s amazing what a couple day break in a new state can do to you. i feel more centered again. i think my coffee tolerance is still quite high (i tested it this morning on another venti… nothing) so gonna have to start tapering off.
i’m sitting in the cleveland airport on a layover on route to madison where i’ll spend passover with my parents and brother and then i’ll be back to northfield on sunday for the final week of tracking. we have 4 full days and 2 half days to finish vocals on 6 more songs, aux percussion a couple interludes and some trumpet. yikes.
i’m not sure exactly what to do about this tour that i’m starting in a week. the first 11 days i’m playing everyday and then i have to figure out what to do with about 2 weeks of holes that i chose to ignore throughout the entire studio process and now they are impossible to fill. know anyone on the east coast who wants to host a house concert? i’m serious. oh well, like i mentioned before this wont’ matter in two years.
i’m excited to get back home (in 6 weeks) and start planning the release of this album. this is quite a shift in direction and everything needs to represent that. i’m going to start contacting visual artists to design the cover. this album is so vibey that everything needs to fit just right. i don’t want anything to feel out of place. a five star chef wouldn’t serve his dish on styrofoam with plastic forks in a bathroom.
i may delay the release a bit to make sure I can do it right. it’s hard to think about anything but this new album which isn’t very conducive to the starving artist way of life. you may see me out street performing when i get back to california so i can stay put while i prepare for this release.
exactly 24 hours ago i was in the vocal booth at my producer paul’s studio in northfield mn laying down the vocals for “maybe” - a song about how hard it is to be on the road for so long away from someone you love. needless to say it wasn’t hard to pull inspiration for this one. this is the 7th song we completed vocals for and have 6 more that we’ll finish this week. it’s 2AM eastern time. I am sitting in the guest suite on campus at indiana university … or is it university of indiana.. in bloomington IN. yes, last night at 1am CST i left northfield and drove back to where i’m crashing in st. paul to wake up this morning and board a plane to play IU.
on not much sleep i spent a total of 6 hours in transit from st. paul to bloomington. i schmoozed with students over thai food (yum) then played a 45 minute acoustic set and then schmoozed some more (over ice cream). came back to the suite only to battle with campus internet for an hour attempting to log on to an EXTREMELY secure network which eventually deemed impossible so the lovely student who brought me to campus has lent me her laptop so i can attempt to wind down to the daily show episodes. i did that. in bed. shut the lights off, grabbed my knee pillow and shut my eyes only to have my mind swirling uncontrollably.
so now i’m up sitting at the table in the center of the room with the fake flower plant… spilling this out.
this isn’t a good idea i know. john mayer got into trouble being too honest on twitter and tumblr… and in playboy and rolling stone, but I’m not john mayer. i’m a dude who has somehow managed to scrape by for four years as a full time musician - barely. but i’m going to spill this to the 7 tumblr followers that will heart this.
i feel like i need to blog again… or for the first time. maybe tumblr isn’t the right platform. whenever i log onto tumblr all i see are glee gifs, weed and nudity with some social justice filling in the cracks. where will this fit? who knows. i guess it doesn’t help i went on a following rampage to try to get a few videos out and now have an uncontrollable clusterfuck of content i don’t really know how to organize mentally or emotionally. this definitely doesn’t seem like the right outlet.. but it’s all i have for now.
i digressed.
i’m up at 2am EST with a sleep deprived fueled headache attempting to organize what is keeping me up.
i’ve become immune to coffee. i realized this when a few days ago paul and i stopped at a starbucks on our way down to northfield and i got a venti coffee. before the studio process started a tall of their light roast would fuck me up (that’s small in starbucks language) and i was a heavy coffee drinker then. we got down to northfield and immediately made a pot of coffee. finished that and then drank an energy drink (per paul’s recommendation - i usually stay far away from these). all the while i felt nothing. i’m serious. no usual creative euphoria like i normally get from the amazing drug of caffeine. no inspiration. no twitching. no heart palpitations. nothing. only fatigue, lethargy, depression, something. i don’t usually feel this way. i’m not a depressive and anyone who knows me knows i keep pretty high spirits. but the studio has been weighing on me.
i’m in there every day bringing myself to a place emotionally that i only had to go once before - when i wrote the song - now i have to go 70 times in a row. take after take after take. until paul feels i get it right.
tuesday i blew up. over a completely insignificant vocal inflection/ad lib that paul wanted me to take out and i didn’t. maybe it was the 50 ounces of coffee mixed with the energy drink raging my heart. maybe it was mild claustrophobia from being confined to a 4x4 vocal booth day after day hours on end or maybe it was because i felt like i was just losing control over everything. i think it was a bit of it all.
paul suggested we take a break and go on a walk to talk about it.
i explained how i spent the past 6 months doing nothing but writing for this album and how i feel it’s all speeding by; out of my hands. how we brought in some of the most amazing musicians in the WORLD and in 3 days their parts were completed.. no deliberation. not much in depth creative discussions. not much pre meditated thought. they listened to the song twice. got in the live room. vibed through it a few times and then tracked it - in no more than 2 takes. these guys are serious pros. everything sounds amazing - exactly how we thought it would go.. even a little better.
but that doesn’t matter. i spent the 3 days in the studio stunned watching these players masterfully rip through these songs like it was their job (it was). i sat back and gave very minor direction- if any - to help guide the vibe, but they didn’t really need it. what they played was not my initial vision, but i knew to let the masters work. so i let go. after the 3rd day i left the studio amazed at all that was accomplished in such a short amount of time, but it still didn’t hit me that 60% of the record was just tracked in 3 days. 6 months of heart poured into writing these songs and crafting visions in my head (and in demos) and bam. 3 days it’s nearly done.
i told paul on our walk how it scared me. how intimidated i felt in the studio with these masters. musicians i’ve looked up to for years (but have never met). why were they there playing on MY session? who am i? it felt nice they complemented me on my songs. but after i got over the initial shock it set in that no matter how good the players are this is MY album that will be with me for the rest of my life. not only that, this IS my break out album. not because there’s label or industry buzz. but because i know in my soul and in my heart and in my head this quality is undeniable.
that may sound pompous. it’s not. i’m saying that when you’ve put in the time that i have (over 550 shows, 5 releases, blood, sweat and tears into 6 months of writing while scrapping by financially and emotionally and extreme pain and depression manifested into vocal take after vocal take) it all leads here. and it scares the fuck out of me.
this album is driving me slightly insane. i’m not myself in studio. well at least when i interact with people. paul keeps saying “ari don’t be sad you’re doing great.” i’m not sad. i’m possessed or something. i can’t figure it out.
yesterday i was so down and just couldn’t pull out the takes we needed paul suggested we go on a run. i wanted to push it. we went 10 miles. my knees are killing me. but we got back and i felt fucking great! maybe that’s all i needed. maybe the solution to all my fatigue, lethargy and depression was a lack of exercise. but something tells me it’s a little more. because here i am. unsuccessfully attempting to book a tour while concentrating on pouring my life into this album.
this spring tour is a bust. it hasn’t even started and i only booked half the shows i was intending to. oh well. it won’t matter in 2 years. sucks now. it’s how i eat. but i’ve scraped by for awhile now and it’s alright. well it’s less than alright, but i do it for my art. it’s really hard for amy. but i’m not bringing her into this.
so what am i saying?! i don’t know.. i guess i’m trying to figure this out. these new songs come from the deepest places in me. when i say the quality is there… well it’s fucking authentic. there is nothing manufactured. this isn’t an LA pop record. it’s a true midwest piece of heartache.
i don’t know. on my walk with paul i also explained how hard it is to be my own publicist, agent, manager, etc. i hate crafting an image for myself. i’m no good at it. and despite what people want to believe about music.. image IS EXTREMELY important. i know this. when i got bashed in the minnesota daily and half the article was about my chest hair and low cut v necks i realized that i have to pay more attention to my image (he didn’t even talk about my music). i need a publicist/team to help create the right package. i’m a master at creating this kind of stuff for other bands - i’d be a great manager (and was for a brief time), but it’s hard to be your own manager/publicist/agent/spokesman/cheerleader. i’ve held off on a team for so long because i’m capable of doing it all..pretty well, but just not that great.
this album is great. well it will be when we finish it very soon. it deserves to be known. not by my 222 kickstarter backers (i seriously fucking love you THANK YOU), not by my 8,280 Facebook fans (love you too.. but i know that only a few seriously pay attention..), not by the twitter/tumblr crowd. not by the 40 people that will show up when i go back home and play LA (hopefully). but by the world.
and it scares the fuck out of me that maybe the world won’t hear it. maybe minneapolis won’t hear it. maybe my new home of LA won’t hear it. maybe even my facebook followers … won’t take the time. maybe it will just be my kickstarter backers and a few straglers who are friends of friends of friends. and in our world of fucked up gatekeepers and cookie cutter, mindless, soulless shit that saturates the mainstream it’s completely possible that that will be it. am i ok with that? we’ll see.
will i go off the deep end clutching this album in one hand and an eviction notice in the other? possibly. will i give up the art and manage bands that i believe in? …not yet. will i go back to school and find a career that’s less painful and where i don’t have to eat rice and beans for months on end? no. i’ll keep on treking. like i do. i’m not the first artist who believes his work is great and is never known. i won’t be the last.
i hope no one is still reading this. i can’t believe i’m still writing. i know i shouldn’t post it, but, well, fuck it.